Last two years of my life have been so amazing! I have started to see the bigger picture. While you are in the storm, you don’t know how it has affected you and your loved ones, but after it’s over, you can see what has changed.

Major changes started 12 years ago, when I realized that I can’t continue to live in my marriage. Afterwards, it’s easy to say that I should have seen that long before, but i’m not a person who gives in easily and who always believes to the best out of others. What really bothered me at my divorce, that nobody really was interested why I wanted to divorce or if I would need some help. I did have 4 children, youngest of them was only 4 years old and one needed constant medical care. Still, not even once, did not get even a kind or compassionate word. My decision wasn’t an easy one, and I didn’t do it just for fun. There were serious reasons, but nobody seemed to care about it as I didn’t go around and tell everybody all the personal information.

After these experiences I have tried to make a difference in the world, but my resources and strength are limited. To be honest, first 5 years I was just surviving. No time of my own, even when children were with their father, I was so exhausted that couldn’t do much. And that constant worry about money, keeping everybody alive and safe, trying to raise children to be good people, and struggle to be positive and giving good memories to my children. My children were my life.

The other 5 years I started to get it going, building my life and our surroundings. Saving every euro I could to get materials and create something better for all five of us. At the same time my heart was bleeding out: the only thing I could create was something useful, like a dinner or room. My dreams about becoming an artist were totally drained, but what I’m proud of is that I managed to provide possibilities for my children to create and to be artistic in their own ways.

Two years ago I realized that I’m entering a new era, children getting older and less dependent on me, and started to learn more about mental things. I’ve always been interested in learning and arts, but now I found a new point of view to them. I enrolled into Mindvalley membership and started to create new kind of habits. I started with improving my memory, but very quickly I moved into other courses from relationships to leadership. There is still so much to learn but I’m happy I entered this road. There’s so many things that I have understood after learning new things on that platform, that I need to tell about them in another post. But shortly put: The light at the end of the tunnel has become so much brighter.

With love

Joana

PS. My Rose of the Day journal is now available in Amazon! It’s a big one (A4 and 72 pages) and pretty simple, so that you can make it more colorful 🙂 Link to the journal