This morning didn’t begin strongly. Not enough of sleep, yesterday’s work in muscles, headache and restless feeling inside. Millions of things in the to-do list and absolutely no strenght to do them. And all the voices demanding to rise and start the day.

It gave me an idea for today’s post: all the voices, inside our head and outside of us, inside the house and outside in nature. How different it feels to have soft sounds covering, like a soft blanket, taking the stress away. And strong sudden voice that feels like a knife through head. Most natural voices feel safe and calm, even the loud ones, whereas human made voices can be disturbing even when not so loud, but constant.

During last two years I’ve been on the journey of discovering myself. Who am I, what I want to experience in my life, why I’m here and why I’m the person I am. I’ve learned about meditation, mindfulness and found names for all these things I’ve always done without having a name for the action. When it was the hardest time for me, I totally forgot that knowledge while trying to survive and support the family. Now I’ve brought them back into my days and seen reduced stress levels. Not because my life is easier but because I can handle the stress better.

Still, this morning I realized that I had lost my own voice. I don’t play music inside, I don’t speak much, I try to not to disturb others, I don’t even dance anymore. I have become too aware of voices around me. And still, at the same time, many of those voices around me don’t disturb me in any way. Dog’s barking or kid’s shouting don’t wake me if they are just playing, but a small whisper may wake me up in a second. It was interesting to learn how the meaning of voices change when we grow. Where small children can detect and react to the voices of their caretaker among many voices, at teenage they learn to not to react to the voices of their parents in order to grow up as an individual being. We are constantly evolving.

And when I’m alone at home, I can feel the silence on my skin.

Softly whispering

Joana